Camera Face

So, I recently was cornered into getting a headshot taken for my show’s playbill. She took me over to a blank wall that the daylight could reach, pulled out her semi-fancy little camera, held it almost as high as the full extent of her arms (turns out my director is a tad short), and pressed the button. It turned out something like this:

She said, “Good?” and although I in no way thought it was good, it looked just about as flattering as most posed photographs of me look, so I said, “Yup looks great!” really just to get out of there and forget the whole thing.

It got me thinking, once again, about Camera Face. Like, as in, maybe it’s not such a stupid idea for me to spend a few hours of my life developing one. I know people actually do this. One of my sisters in law literally looks exactly the same in every single picture I have seen her in. It’s something along these lines:

Always from below and to the side (every time same side), no teeth showing, pursed lips. She’s worked on this. Especially evidenced by the fact that I find the result looks as little like her real self as possible without actually being a different person.

Actually my other sister-in-law has a Camera Face too. It’s more like this:

I don’t get it.

So anyway I’ve thought about it some. My main trouble is that it turns out my face is somewhat rounder than I imagine it to be when I look in the mirror. And my nose hookier. And my eyebrows sinister-er. I’ve considered how I might rectify this problem but it actually requires some skill. I have this issue with my eyes where one often is a bit more open than the other. It has this effect in pictures:

So I thought maybe if I artificially open my eyes...

Insane much?

There’s also the question of angle. I think I work better with the head-tilted-to-side look.

But you can’t always pull that off.

Plus I don’t want to come off like I’m trying.

I mean I am trying. But I don’t want to come off that way.

I also have this habit of doing a sort of sideways smile which I always considered endearing but turns out it just mixes with the unbalanced eyes to enhance the mentally-challenged-serial-killer look. Also I have that stupid gum smile I used to judge other people for before I realized I am in fact a perpetrator. OH THE HORROR! Anyway, here are some other options I threw together:

It’s an exhausting business, constructing and perfecting your Camera Face. But I am determined—determined—to one day NOT have a completely hideous headshot.

Why can’t they just use this one?